I'm Going To Disneyland!!!

Dear The Internet,

I moved around a lot while I was growing up, but I spent a good portion of my formative years in Orange County (specifically Orange). We lived about fifteen minutes away from Disneyland and, like most kids in Orange, I had an annual pass to the park. It wasn’t uncommon for my mom to drop my brother and me off at the entrance with $10 each and let us go at it for the day. I came to know the park like the back of my hand. I knew all the jokes they tell on Jungle Cruise by heart. I could recite “remain seated, please” in a terrible attempt at Spanish. I could spend a whole day there, not spend a dime, and still eat three square meals (note, those “square meals” were actually tortillas from the factory tour). The one downside to growing up like this is that it has totally demystified the whole experience for me.

Dear The Internet,

Recently, my super awesome girlfriend bought me a brand spanking new iPod Nano (6^th generation). This means that with a very heavy heart, I will stop using my very heavy Creative NOMAD Jukebox Zen Xtra. Yes, that is its actual name and yes, that is actually ridiculous. I thought it would be fun to do a head to head battle between the two. A young and spry David verses a senile and overweight Goliath. 

And Then I Cried

Dear The Internet,

I kind of started running in a funny way. For a few years after I graduated I stuck around the beautiful seaside town were my college was located. It’s an odd experience living in a college town after you graduate. It’s sort of like watching a play with a different cast. The lines are the same, but the delivery is totally different. The characters completely unaware that they are telling the same story others have told before them. I started running mostly out of boredom and ended up taking a liking to it.

How Zombie Proof Is My House

 

Dear The Internet,

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you woke up one morning and found your city to be completely taken over by zombies? Would you be prepared? How easy to fortify is your home? All of these are ridiculous questions that I will answer.

R.I.P. Frankencomputer

Dear The Internet,

Today marks the passing of our near and dear friend, comrade, and confidant: Frankencomputer. Early this morning, I sat Frankencomputer out on the cold, unforgiving sidewalk for the e-waste recycling people to come and pick her up. On the walk to my car, I paused, ever so briefly, to contemplate the life and death of my old friend. As if it were my own life coming to an end, her entire existence passed before my eyes.

Act Your Age

Dear The Internet,

I just watched the trailer for Drive Angry and I honestly think they meant to put it as one of the fake trailers in Grindhouse, but I guess that would also explain why it is actually a movie, so I'll just say that it looks either terribly awesome or awesomely terrible. I can't even tell the difference any more. One thing that absolutely baffles me is when seasoned (aka, old) actors get paired up with super young actresses. Amber Heard is almost 20 years younger than Nicolas Cage! How would it be at all believable that they would pair up? Next is also guilty of this (it's also guilty of being terrible, so there's that). Maybe it's in Nicolas Cage's contract that his costar must be at least fifteen years younger than him. At least Adam Sandler has the decency to pair himself with very attractive woman that are within his age range.

The Two Most Recent Movies I've Seen

Dear The Internet,

I have this theory called the Airplane/Cable Theory that states that all movies seen on cable/TV are improved because you are seeing them under the most comfortable of situations (in your own home with your hand in your pants, Al Bundy style) and all movies seen on a plane are worsened because you are seeing them under the most uncomfortable situation possible (crammed into a plane, where a hand in your pants can put you on the no fly list).

This Explains A Lot

Dear The Internet,

So I took this tone deaf test the other day and I got a pretty lousy 63.9%. It puts me in the low normal range, which I feel is entirely appropriate considering the "Under Pressure" bass line and the "Ice Ice Baby" bass line sound the exact same to me.

http://jakemandell.com/tonedeaf/

A Mind Blowing Realization

Dear The Internet,

I'm not really a big sports person. I enjoy playing them, but I just can't stand watching people play them. This means that every time "playoff season" rolls around for pretty much any sport (which is roughly every two months) I get filled with a sense of dread. Sort of like that feeling on Sunday night when you realize that you have to go back to work on Monday. To me, baseball is the worst. I think it is beyond dull. Even the highlights are boring. It's always somebody getting a home run (which doesn't look that cool on TV), somebody having to lay out to make a catch, or somebody having to climb the wall to make a catch. Sure, any of these might look interesting in the context of a game where you watch a guy get ready to swing a bat for five minutes, swing a bat, miss, and then watch him get ready for five more minutes. Then, on the off chance that they actually hit the ball you either watch it go foul, casually get caught by an outfielder, or watch the runner dawdle up to first because he knows he isn't going to make it. Even the players look bored most of time.

So, in that mind set, I was on the couch as one of my roommates was watching baseball the other day when I had my sense of reality shaken to its very core. As I sat there in the state somewhere between sleep and awake that I call "watching baseball" I came to the realization that home plate is shaped like an upside-down house. I'm assuming this isn't widely known because my roommate seemed to be mildly amused (but not nearly as excited as me) when I pointed it out to him. And he's a sports guy! Anyway, I made up this little picture in MS Paint to illustrate what happened in my mind when I first noticed it. It's pretty accurate, but it looked more like a Thomas Kinkade painting in my head. Maybe I should add a pleasant stream or some snow laden trees.

The Inaugural Post

Dear The Internet,

 This is where it all starts. I've dabbled in blog writing in the past, but this is the first time I've actually written one for myself. I'm not totally sure what I'm going to write on this, but it will probably change as time goes on. It stands to reason that my hobbies (photography, writing, movies, baking, ect.) and general interests (gadgets, food, nerd stuff, ect.) will oft be mentioned. Before you can ask, I named the blog out of pure frustration. Every single name I wanted was taken so I typed in the first random thing I could think of and that was "Dinosaur Tea Party", which was also taken. "Dinosaur Dance Party" came next. I'm not sure if anyone will read this or if I'll get bored and stop writing in a week or a month, but that is no reason not to start.

Sincerely,
 Jeremy