I'm getting married!!!

Dear the Internet,

I got engaged!!!

My super awesome girlfriend is now my super awesome fiance and will soon become my super awesome wife. I'll post something later with the how story and some photos, but for right now I wanted to show off this picture I made to ask my groomsmen if they would, well, be my groomsmen.

It's kind of a weird thing to figure out who makes the cut when it comes to the wedding party. I feel like it gets glossed over a bit what with all the flower and candle talk. The whole wedding planning process kind of forces you to put your friends in a sort of hierarchy, which I'm not sure I'm comfortable with how naturally that came. There wasn't an objective metric that we used to decide who I know well enough to see me dance in front of my parents but, with a few exceptions, it was pretty easy. In the past, if I didn't get invited to someone's wedding and I wanted to see if I should feel offended or not, I would try and imagine if I would invite them to mine. I'm not really sure this process works in reverse.

Fortunately, this guest list thing happens early on and then you get to do stuff like register and taste cakes. I have to admit that registering isn't nearly as much fun as I thought it would be. It turns out I've been going to stores and looking at things I want but can't afford for most of my adult life and having a laser scanner in your hand doesn't really dull the pain of knowing that the next avocado I slice will be with a completely average knife. Cake tasting though, that's the shit.

It's also been fun for me to think of terrible ideas to throw at my super awesome fiance to keep her on her toes. Example: write guests' seat assignments on hermit crab shells in a giant terrarium. This is doubly a terrible idea because hermit crabs smell like every dead thing in the ocean is rotting in their shell and no adult wants to be near a crab they can't eat.

With the exception of a tuberculosis scare, the wedding planning hasn't been so bad. I expect we'll encounter some issues along the way, but my super awesome fiance and I are both pretty level headed individuals and neither of us are teetotalers, so we should be fine.

Bloodless Battle

I had originally posted this story and picture a few months ago but took it down while I was applying for a job that I thought might not think this was funny. I didn't get the job, so I decided to put it back up. I put a censor bar over Hodor just to be safe, but note that the wolf's back made it so you couldn't see anything before. I just decided to make it that much less sketchy. Now, without further ado: a stupid fanfic story I wrote that was inspired by a gchat conversation.

A chill sweeps through an eerily quiet field as two armies prepare for battle. On one side: an army led by Rob Stark The King of the North as some have taken to calling him. On the other: a massive army led by the rich and powerful Tywin Lannister. As they ready for battle, a third army can be seen cresting the horizon. At the front of an enormous force is the steely face of the Lord of Light, Stannis Baratheon. A sword made from the finest Valyrian steel would be unable to cut through the tension. The three generals rally their troops as a section of forest burst into flames. As though birthed from the fire, Daenerys Targaryen comes soaring from the flaming trees riding a dragon. Also, she is naked. One dragon would cause all but the most courageous knights to wet their armor and she has brought three to this battle.

A True Love

Dear the Internet,

I have a new love in my life and her name is 16 oz Insulated Klean Kanteen.

I upgraded from a Nalgene to my blue 27 oz Klean Kanteen a little over ago year and haven't looked back. It's durable, doesn't taste like plastic when the water gets warm, and doesn't give me brain tumors or whatever was supposed to happen if you drank out of an old Nalgene.

Getting My Ass Kicked

Dear the Internet,

When it comes to playing sports in general, I would give myself a B-. I, unfortunately, wrestled in high school, so I don't have a whole lot of skills that carry over to playing sports socially. For some reason, nobody ever wants to start a recreational wrestling team or go and have a wrestle at a picnic. Most of what I've learned about how to play different sports comes from playing pick up games in college. This means that if you're looking for somebody to do a layup or juggle a soccer ball or do anything with grace, I'm probably not your guy.

Hitting The Road

Dear the Internet,

Last year I ran the SF Marathon and finished just fast enough to say that I "ran" it. I had a lot of fun, but towards the end of training I was spending two hours running after having a full work day. This year I couldn't really justify the time commitment, so I signed up for the half marathon. I didn't really stop running after the marathon, but I definitely cut way back. I've started to ramp it back up in preparation for the race. This means that I get to put on those wonderful shorts that show off my pasty white, tree trunk legs and don the running shirts that let you know precisely where my nipples are.

The Best Part Of My Morning

Dear the Internet,

Another day and another piece of MS Paint art. I did this one in a bit more of a hurry because Mondays are super busy. I'm not 100% happy with it. The biggest problem I have is the color scheme. I tried to stay true to the actual colors of Muni and brown on brown with brown wood paneling just doesn't look good. Also, it is super hard to draw the same thing multiple times in Paint. Those seats are all kinds of wonky. Who would have thought that drawing forced perspective with a mouse would be difficult?

Anyway, this picture depicts my favorite part of my workday. See, my super awesome girlfriend and I take the same bus at the same time, only in opposite directions. She is getting off work just as I am heading in. This means that our buses pass by each other around the same spot everyday. I always try and sit next to the window so that we can wave to each other. About half the time there is a giant ad covering the windows on the bus so I end up waving to Jack Sparrow hoping that my super awesome girlfriend is on the other side. Isn't this just so cute it makes you throw up in your mouth?

More Fun With MS Paint!!!

Dear the Internet,
I was super bored at work today and, because boredom plus MS Paint equals masterpiece, I have a I brand new JPEG.

I've wanted to make caricatures of people I know for awhile, but it's actually super hard. The above picture is supposed to be of my super awesome girlfriend. I am mostly pleased with it, but I'm not in love with the lips. She has a much more infectious smile and I don't think I got that. I think I did a pretty good job with the hair and the eyes. Her eyes, like mine, go into a crescent shape when she smiles. Her head shape is a bit off too. I drew it a little kidney bean shaped, but its really more oval. It honestly took me a couple of hours off and on to get done with this first draft. Faces are just such subtle things that it can be next to impossible to get all of the elements right in a very limited application like Paint.

The Worst Part of My Job

Dear the Internet,

I can't really say too much about where I work because, well, people get fired for talking crap about where they work. I'll just say that I sit at the front desk, so I get the brunt of anybody looking to express anger. Sometimes it's actually my fault and occasionally I can actually do something about it, but the vast majority of the time I have to just sit there and take the blame and be completely unable to help. Here are a few of the most common things that crush my soul: